Just hire a decent seamstress and get the dress altered to actually FIT YOU instead of buying a dress two to four sizes too small, going on the Bataan Death March Diet, and annoying everyone around you with your non-stop shrewing about food. I'm about fed up with this, and I'm starting to blame cheap off-the-rack clothes for this as well as the usually-mentioned suspects. If women really had any idea about how clothes are supposed to be made and how they are supposed to fit, they wouldn't flip out at every overpriced, poorly made piece of crap they put on that makes them look "bulgy" to begin with.

If he feels bad, you're supposed to make him feel better about it. If you feel bad, you're supposed to make him feel better about it. Does anyone make you feel better about anything? He's wanting you to do his half of the relationship for him. This is a confidence problem. The only way he's going to build up confidence is by succeeding at something. So when he does or says something that has you feeling bad, go ahead and say "OUCH, sweetie!", but then say "I'd feel a lot better if you would...". Maybe if he can see a clear path to a few "wins", or at least a few "saves", he'll figure out that he's competent enough to stick around, and maybe even that responsibility is less about being perfect, and more about having the cajones to clean up the mistakes you'll inevitably make.

And yes, take a vacation. The perspective to be gained from even a few days out is immeasurable. I suggest that you make sure you go with your husband, and do something FUN together. Relationships that are all about recovery and dealing with issues all the time are so heavy and oppressive; it's amazing to me that anyone is willing to stay in one.

You may want to read up on Poe's Law (see link on my name for the source):

Poe's Law: Similar to Murphy's Law, Poe's Law concerns internet debates, particularly regarding religion or politics.

"Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

In other words, No matter how bizzare, outrageous, or just plain idiotic a parody of a Fundamentalist may seem, there will always be someone who cannot tell that it is a parody, having seen similar REAL ideas from real religious/political Fundamentalists.

The following is an actual Internet post to Biblically defend a flat Earth:

"All I was saying was that either the earth is flat, and the bible is correct, or the earth is round, and the bible is incorect, i'm going to study the issue more and deside for myself which route I want to take. Either Atheist evolutionist, who agrees with all of mainstream sciences, or flat earth litteral bible believer.

I'm leaning toward being an atheist, because if I can't believe the bible to be completly litteraly true, then I can't believe Jesus when he speaks about heaven, etc..

That would make the moon landing a fake, and pretty much all of modern science false..."

Response:

"That's it, I'm claiming Poe's Law on this guy."

In which maybe we acquire enough maturity to be able to work with people on critical issues about which we agree, instead of turning up our noses at them because they don't agree with us about everything. Who knows? Maybe we'll get enough numbers to start WINNING again?

Something similar anyway. It was called "Area Man Has Naked Lady Fetish". I thought this was funny too.

Also, Cary? I love you. Many things you've written have been of great value to me. But I think you are burning out. It's OK; it happens to most people at some point. I haven't a clue how Ann Landers, et al kept up this racket for as long as they did. But maybe it's time for you to explore some of your "someday I'm gonna"s? Seriously, you'll be a new man for it and I've no doubt we'll all enjoy whatever you come back to share!

Certainly a lot of what she had to say about what she went through the first 8 months of her marriage sounds immature and ridiculous, BUT

Most of it happened in her head. The rehearsed speech to her parents happened IN HER HEAD.

You people know that things that only happen in your head are not real, right?

Real things happen outside people's heads, where they can be (theoretically) experienced by other people too. Outside your head, they matter. Literally, matter. Get it?

In the head = not real, doesn't matter.

Out here where everyone gets to play = real. Does matter.

In less than a year, out here in the world where it matters, the writer managed to pull it together with her husband and solve some very real compatibility problems. I know people that couldn't manage to solve pettier, simpler problems in eight years. She had some immature and irresponsible thoughts and fantasies along the way, but she kicked them aside and got over them. She's a good lady.

What do you tell your daughter about why she isn't supposed to pick at her nose or buttcrack out in front of people? You could probably tell her the same thing about her vagina. It's another one of those "bad manners" things.

Of course she'll still ask why, because that's what kids that age do.