You could also, you know, just grow a spine. Onion tears aren't going to kill you. As the kids say, deal

Fuck you, Farhad.

I'm taking a powerful immune suppressant and I'm not supposed to get my fingers anywhere near my eyes.

So onion tears actually could kill me. Technically speaking.

Farhad, I think you need to grow a heart, and an imagination.

This is why I don't like to work around nerds. Because they're mean.

Mean little people with big brains and shrunken hearts.

Hooray for you.

Merry Christmas.

Imagine a person blinded by onion tears who is waving around a big knife, frantically looking for something to wipe her eyes.

Onion tears are a safety hazard in the kitchen. And the kitchen is a dangerous environment to begin with.

Invading Afghanistan to support an embattled Marxist minority government was really a bad, bad, bad decision for the Soviet Union to make.

And it wasn't even justified by any principles of Marxist theory.

As Raja Anwar points out in his book, Afghanistan was not the kind of country that a Marxist coup could change. They didn't have the economy or the literacy rate of a country that was ready for any kind of socialism whatsoever.

Marx would have been against that invasion. And maybe even Lenin too.

Afghan Marxists were in deep denial about the lack of support for their "revolution" within Marxism itself.

On the other hand, our Cold War fanaticism led us into danger and Americans are to blame for that. We did help cause the blowback and we do deserve some blame.

We didn't really NEED to help the mujahedin.

Even if the Soviet Union had "won" that war in some temporary sense -- they never could have afforded to hold onto that country.

The Soviet Union couldn't hold on to Estonia!

If they couldn't hold on to Estonia, then how were they supposed to hold on to Afghanistan?

The whole thing is a tragedy.

It's such a tragedy, I don't think I will be able to enjoy this film.

It was a bad decision for the Politburo to order the invasion of Afghanistan. But if you look at the circumstances behind their decision, it's easy to see how hard it would have been for them to resist making this bad decision.

The USSR had already funded and supplied the Afghan military for over 20 years. There was a pre-existing Marxist government battling religious fanatics who threw acid in women's faces.

And on top of that, Soviet advisors and their families were brutally slaughtered by the insurgents.

If the Marxist government in Afghanistan fell to the rebels, then religious fanatics would get their hands on millions of rubles worth of Soviet military hardware.

I can how they got seduced into thinking they could mount a quick war and set things straight and move on.

It's funny to see Salon writers try to talk about Ron Paul or Dennis Kucinich when when they're not allowed to mention the War on Drugs.

If we weren't suffering from violent gang turf wars in Pasadena, I'd be laughing a lot harder right now.

The active ingredients in marijuana not only kill breast cancer cells, but can even shut off the gene that teaches them how to metastasize.

I know this story wasn't nearly as important as that U-turn tattoo on Nancy Botwin's butt.

But still, it offers hope of a nontoxic cancer treatment some day, and that kind of hope is a good thing to have.

I don't think there's much hope for Nancy Botwin, since the last time we saw her she was taking a job with a Mexican drug cartel, and they make U-Turn look like Mother Theresa.

That's the funny thing about Salon -- you're not allowed to acknowledge that the War on Drugs even exists during this campaign, are you?

So you can't tell your readers about the war in Northern Mexico, can you?

That story will have to be told be told through the vehicle of Heather Havrilesky ranting about the latest misadventures of poor misguided Nancy Botwin.

I hope Nancy lives through it. Reportedly about 4,000 people have been killed in that war so far.

The death toll could be up to 5,000 or 6,000 by the time Heather gets her next chance to rant about Nancy's latest bad decision.

Simcha Jacobovici is witty and fun and his shows are fresh and educational. Postmodern Biblical archaeology -- now that's a lively subject, roiling with fascinating and unpredictable political, religious and scientific kvetching, er, controversy.

Simcha must be the sexiest Israeli-born Canadian in the world. Just watching him, you feel like picking up a shovel and heading for the Holy Land to dig.

I met him once and he seemed like a shy, internal kind of person. Not at all like the men he plays. It's amazing that he can create such huge personalities on screen. I guess that's where the enormous talent part comes in.

Gawker editor Emily Gould demonstrated the knee-jerk immaturity of the young have-not, asserting that celebrities are "protected by piles of money."

John Lennon had piles of money. See how well it protected him?

She's enabling mentally ill people who overidentify with celebrities.

She's going to get someone killed.