Letters to the Editor
Anonymous_Too
Published Letters: 146 Editor's Choice: 2
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Can they, or can't they?
[Read the article: Warning men about "gray rape"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Can men control themselves sexually? Or can't they? Because the arguments of men themselves seem to switch between "We're not animals! We have reason and self-control!" to "We're animals! We can't help it!"
Pick one, and stick to it.
In the end, I don't really care whether rape is a dominance crime or a sex crime. I'm starting to think it's both, although I'm not sure why it matters. It's a crime. End of story.
So, pick which side you're on, guys, because you have to live with the consequences of your behavior. Stick with the "We're animals!" side, and you put yourself at risk for false accusations. Why should this be otherwise? Random, drunken hookups are inherently risky behavior. No reason why the risk shouldn't extend to both sexes. Yes, there are some crazy women out there. Just because they're crazy, doesn't mean you get to have sex with them when they're drunk without consequences.
There is no group of women with whom men can have nonconsensual sex without consequences.
A man who puts himself on the "We're not animals!" side faces a lesser risk of a false accusation, but only lesser. How is that fair? Because women who don't get drunk or otherwise engage in risky behavior can still get raped.
Sucks to be alive, doesn't it.
Again, the hook-up culture has risks, for both men and women. Removing the risks to men while increasing the risks to women isn't the answer.
Oh, and rape isn't an appropriate punishment for women who wear to little and drink too much. Neither of those is a crime, so rape isn't a bit of vigilante justice.
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Outliers
[Read the article: This just in: Women are stupid!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm an outlier myself, female variety, but I don't bother much with a certain type of intelligent man for one simple reason:
"At any rate, my frustration stems from a perceived general lack of curiosity and an aversity to risk."
I don't have a general lack of curiosity or aversity to risk, I just express those attributes in ways that aren't traditionally male. I'm deeply curious and take all manner of risks, but odds of me ending up being the first woman anything are darned slim.
I don't mind. Given that the population is about half male, there's no reason for me to ape men in my aptitudes or my interests.
What bothers me is the assumption that women have never gone anywhere and that the feminine can't possibly amount to anything. When I prove to be inadequately informed on, say, the subject of quantum mechanics, a certain type of intelligent men seem to become immediately obsessed with how stupid they think women really are. The fact that my IQ scores would blow most of theirs out of the water and they'd have no hope of keeping up with me in my own field is beside the point. I'm reduced to the status of an exceptionally well-trained dog, merely because my intelligence isn't applied in a masculine way.
I used to waste time when I was young by competing with men on their own ground. It got boring fast. It also raised some interesting questions. Why should visuospatial skills be considered superior to language skills? Both are useful, and excelling at either allows one to explore all kinds of possibilities.
I don't put much effort into my looks, which would render me invisible to anyone with an eye for exceptional beauty, and yes, that's a strategy. You could even say it's a pack-following strategy, since I'm hardly alone in this, but personally I think the whole sports-following, Men's Health/Maxim-reading, motorcycle-buying, hottie-chasing thing is at least as much a group security phenomenon as watching Oprah. The professional sports thing is especially tribal.
I don't know all that much about quantum mechanics because I studied something else, that's all. I picked a subject I enjoyed and was good at, something that allowed me to explore and take risks in a way that pays off for me, not something that would allow me to prove that I was just as smart as men.
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Beauty and age
[Read the article: Do not go gentle into that Eileen Fisher]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The second thing is that beauties are subject to a lot of negative attention from all the wrong kinds of people. They will be seduced and dumped by any number of playboys, but that is only part of the problem. If they are not smart and savvy, pretty women will generally end up in a very shallow crowd that values them only for what they look like. As for what happens to their husbands, friends, and (all too often) bosses as a beautiful woman gets older--well, they do not hesitate to replace her with younger, prettier women.
This is why I like aging. I'm more likely to get attention for things about me that count instead of the thing about me that's the least important. I'm 40, and my grooming is more minimalist than it was when I was 20. It wasn't too extreme then, either, but I bother a lot less now
My own personal belief is that nothing ages a woman like fighting her age. A Botoxed face isn't the same thing as a young face, nor is a lifted face, and dyed hair isn't the same thing as natural hair. It isn't even natural hair that's a different color. It's chemically damaged hair.
As far as clothing goes, I've always thought that trying to look young just makes a woman look ridiculous. I certainly don't want to look like I'm trying to compete with the college kids! That's downright pathetic. I like my life piles better now than I did when I was 20. Why try to look like I'd want to go back?