Letters to the Editor
Anonymous_Too
Published Letters: 147 Editor's Choice: 2
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Two points
[Read the article: Single mothers are ruining society!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]@Parson Jim: I'm not misinformed, I'm a former activist. I know who was fighting for presumptive joint custody in the 80s and 90s because I was on the front lines myself. At that time, it was far more women than men.
Yes, I've changed my mind. I don't think custody should be assigned in any contested case until after a full psych eval is done. Presumptive custody of any kind is a danger to the kids.
@nancyh:
Concern #1: Parenting is hard/exhausting work.My husband and I have an active, healthy 5-year old and we often comment that we don't know how single parents do it. Being able to tag-team makes life so much easier. Honestly, life would be better if we hadn't moved from communal living (or at least living multigenerationally) to the nuclear family/single family home.
Being able to tag-team only works when both partners are on the same page. When one is able to make the adjustment to being a parent while the other is stubbornly refusing to have his life changed, having two adults in the house is more trouble than it's worth. The gender of the non-parent adult doesn't matter, either. A woman who doesn't want to be a mother is just as much of a burden to her spouse as a man who doesn't want to be a father.
There's also, as far as I can tell, no way of knowing in advance who's going to do what. By all reasonable, external measures, I'm the one who should have balked, but instead it was my ex-husband. I'm not ordinarily the most nurturing person in the world, but something weird kicked in when I got pregnant. My ex was, on the surface, the nurturing one, but something about having the baby in the house made him insanely demanding.
#2 Re point #1-only true when the cast of characters is stable. In my observation, one of the big problems with single parenthood is that most people don't really want to be single parents or at least give up sex. Single people date. Typically, you date a lot of people before you find someone with whom you want a relationship. If you are childless, this is probably a good thing. When you have a kid, it becomes a) much more difficult to find the time/energy b) creates opportunity for heartbreak for heartbreak for the child. Small children attach easily and it is confusing for them when the boyfriend/girlfriend with whom they have formed a relationship is not around anymore. c) Sometimes BF/GF are not suitable parent figures. It seems like I see a CNN headline once a week that describes some horrible form of child abuse committed by a BF or GF.
All true. Children of single mothers who remain single do quite well, just as well, by many measures, as children in intact families. Also, assumptions about single mothers being desperate and willing to put up with anything make them targets for some really nasty guys.
Dating poses enormous threats to kids, which is one reason I've steered clear of it for the most part. I don't find it difficult, though. Sexual gratification can be had by other means, I get emotional support from friends, and I don't have to marry to survive economically. Feminism, in this respect, has been a Godsend for women like me. No-fault divorce made it easy for Mr. Would-be Cheater and I Don't Wanna Be a Daddy to walk, and it makes it possible for us to survive without his income.
Yes, being a devoted mother makes me unattractive, but I'm not interested in being attractive right now. My kid has already been screwed over in the stepparent department. I'm not about to pile injury upon injury. Age might make me unattractive when it's over, but that's not really a problem, again thanks to feminism. I don't have to marry in order to have a roof over my head.
Again, this isn't an issue of moralizing (although, damn-use birthcontrol EVERYONE), it is an issue of practicality and what is best for kids.
I did use birth control. It doesn't always work, especially when you can't use hormones.
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The evil Swedes
[Read the article: Single mothers are ruining society!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dammn those evil Swedes, Norwegians, etc. thwarting Gods plan to keep people in line by failing to allow their societies to collapse when people don't get married.
Heh. Yeah.
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there is a reason game playing among guys is becoming a high art.
[Read the article: Single mothers are ruining society!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]There's also a reason why there are more men than women on most singles sites and at most singles events. "Sausage fest" is the expression for it.
Wonder why? Hmm.