I have spent some Christmases with families of significant others. Later, when the relationship ended, memories of those Christmases with their families felt sort of dead in my heart. It was, seeing and getting to know people, buying gifts for their children, etc, with the belief that we were going to be family together once I and the man were married. Getting close to them. Now that the relationships are long gone, it's very werid, it's sort of like a part of my life never existed. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it feels sad to me like a loss. These days I spend Christmas on my own even if I'm dating someone. You can't leave yourself.

...was last year. I went to see my sponsor child in India. We went to this jungle resort - and it turned out to be a LOT colder than we anticipated. I think she was inclined to be unhappy - but I was cheerful and kept pretending everything was wonderful, and she got into the spirit of things. Later I remembered the vacations when my family went camping and it was cold and rainy. My father would also pretend everything was wonderful, to cheer me up - and it was successful then too. Shortly after I returned to the US, I was diagnosed with metastastic breast cancer. The happy memories of this Christmas helped keep me going.

If the mothers in Guatamala didn't have more children than they could possibly care for, they wouldn't need to give them up. And there's worse things that could happen to a little brown baby born in Guatamala....staying in Guatamala, for example.

....didn't the husband tell the girl what she did and ask her not to do it again? If he had, wouldn't anybody with any sense NOT do it again - after all, she could be fired for that. If asking her not to do it again didn't work, couldn't the husband mention somethng to her boss or to human resources? This is the sort of thing that should happen...only once, if at all.

I'm a long time reader and I am so happy for you and wifey!

Please hang in there. You mentioned you read the column, so you know that us'n the letters ghetto do a lot of squabbling and sniping, but look, for once we're all agreed on something! :) We are ALL on your side hoping you don't kill yourself. Cary's right - you deserve a beautiful life, contact that center now!

Amerigo, you make excellent points. I struggle with bipolar II, and take meds for it. I've been stable for 2 1/2 years now, and only consult my therapist if my meds start to feel off. I've had horrible dissociative episodes, suicidal depression, you name it, I've probably had it. Life was hell for a long time.

As a patient/victim of many therapists, I can say for a fact that some of them are in it for the money, and if your insurace will pay, they want you sitting there week after week wallowing. I got sick of discussing my disfunctional family, and geez, whose family isn't messed up? and made a weekly and monthly plan that includes exercise, art, work, a pet (cat), and a job I could handle. Eventually grad school - wow, who would have thunk I could do it? Not any of my therapists, for sure.

And it worked!

Maybe the LW could consider adopting a similar strategy, but keeping her shrink while she adopts some life enhancing techniques such as you have described.

I'm pretty down on shrinks, and loathe a lot of them, generally.

Orchids

Cary, thank you for both your letters. Please don't take us in the Letters Ghetto so seriously. Anominity makes people a little nastier than they might be otherwise. And we're a cranky, curmudgeonly group even on a good day.

And thanks for the answer to the (maybe) depressed husband. It was good to be reminded of back when I was 16, and yes I went to demonstrations, and had a lot more faith in our ability to change things that I do now in my mid 40s. It's really amazing that more of us don't go insane.

One more nutty monkey,

Orchids

Also, thank you Cary. I am the person who wrote a few months ago who got a cancer diagnosis and didn't want to live anymore. Your comments, and some of the less snarky ones from other letter writers, helped me make the decision to give the treatment a try after all. Now I'm in remission, have gotten on meds which helped correct what I was feeling, and looking at life more optimistically.

Orchids

...thanks, you made me laugh... somehow the idea of yelling 'Fuck!' during a prayer meeting seems sort of fun! I agree with some of the other posters, the times I've been a troll I've usually been underemployed, or I feel helpless about a particular thing. I'm a cubical dweller, and I have to look positive and be upbeat all day, and sometimes my frustration pops out somewhere as a troll. Oh - and I'm a white professional female, and I can be as obnoxious a troll as any man, thank you very much. You know, the occasional troll-fest isn't so bad, really, given the stress level so many of us live with daily...it's a wonder more of us don't go barking mad. Fuck everybody! Down with the fuckwads!

...what brand are your bottles? I agree that bottled water is a plague, but, the water in my area tastes awful. I'd like to find a gadget like you are describing.

And thanks for the report Pablo. When I was in India I saw literally acres of these empty bottles.

...yes, this is the beginning of adulthood....