I am in my mid-40s, and this issue has recently resufaced with my aging parents. I've had very few lovers, but, unfortunately, my ex-fiancee' gave me HPV, which mutated onwards into cervical cancer. He, of course, is long gone. As an only child, who do I have to help with my cancer care? You guessed it, my parents. Who have refrained from telling me "I Told You This Would Happen" no more than 4 million times. They may just have some valid points.

...I tried eharmony because they had such a large membership. I have also tried yahoo personals and match.com. I've dated several people from various ads. What I've found out is that none of those questions really makes any difference at all. Everyone I've met has had the usual assortment of virtues and vices, regardless of who they said they were or what they said they wanted in their ads. Probably a few more vices than the general population, if we had much going for us we wouldn't be driven to using the internet to find a mate. I think it's best, when using the ads, to use them to determine a person's interests, and whether a person has children, smokes, drinks, or travels. Ignore the other stuff, you will find out the truth if you meet.

Jena doesn't serve because she's a rick, spoiled, brat. And if she was slated to go to Iraq, Bush would end the war in five minutes.

Carys full of bs on this one. This spoiled brat is going to wreck your wedding. Provide a babysitter, tell the brat you are very sorry but no one is bringing their children so you can't allow her it wouldn't be fair.

...when I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, I was sent home and told to enjoy what time I had left. (So much for doctors, I am now in remission.) Anyway, I dunno about the letter writer's friend, but when I was very sick I didn't want lots of people around. And I didn't expect lots of people to be around. I accepted help when it was offered, and made do otherwise. I realized many people just can't handle being around sick people, much less people with cancer. LW, this is about her and her death. It's not about you. Just gradually fade into the background, call less each week. She has more important things to worry about, and probably other friends who really do care about her. There is no need for any big dramatic kiss-off.

This is excellent advice. With any luck, if the LW follows this suggestion it will be enough to reassure the daughter her dad isn't going to hell, and strengthen their relationship. I hope for the child's sake she grows out of that religion....

..if you do stay with the poor guy you married, for gods sake don't have kids. If you do that will just be more people you're going to hurt and maybe even destroy.

...I kinda understand what happened here. I have had a couple of national chains over to my house to do estimates. In this, and many other different kinds of situations, you expect a certain kind of behavior. In this case a sales pitch, some information, and an estimate. I've experienced situations where someone, in this case the salesman, behaved so differently from what I could have expected that it was confusing to determine what to do.

....you are already in this school. Be quiet about your beliefes until you get your degree. Without a degree, your options in life are severely limited. Eventually you can discuss your beliefs, but until it is safe to do so, STFU.

...my ex and I hosted a dinner with some friends and our Unitarian minister. It really helped to recognize what we had meant to each other during the years we were married. Of course, there were no kids involved, and no money problems. If there had been, I suspect all bets would have been off,

LW. I was where you are now, ten yeara sgo - even in grad school. I am now 10 years sober and it took AA, rehab, and a great therapist to do it. Please tell your doctor now. And as far as drinking and driving go, I think we all say that until we do it. One night you will finish up your bottle of wine and need just a little bit more. You'll think you are just fine to drive. And that may be the death or you, and others.

...I am so glad Cary posted this letter. I'm 45 and experiencing the same thing, it's like suddently becoming invisible. I am going the plastic surgery route, at least for a few years while I try and get a handle on the aging thing. You are very, very lucky LW, to have someone special, to be getting married again. Perhaps your fiancee feels the same way about your crows feet that you do about his?

Cary's right, answers will come, but taking an active part in seeking those answers will certainly help. I'd start looking for a job back in California, if that's where you want to go as a first step. Maybe consult a therapist to get some help determining what you want from your life at this point. 30 is not too late for a family, children, etc, but you need to figure out if you want that, and how to go about it.

Mishima666 - I have just found myself in your position, parents, grandparents, gone. I've found that the boxes of pictures, memorabilia, etc., that I know no one else will care about after I'm gone, blows my mind. And the memories, stories, etc. It feels so odd to have all this knowing that it means nothing to anyone else, and never will. Any advice for a newbie keeper of the flame?