...if you invite this kid into your lives, at some point, she will not like the boundaries and limits you must set around your and your family's lives. Then, not getting what she wants, she will, absolutely, positively, will, act out against you. Imagine your neighbors knowing you're poly, what that might mean to your children's situation. Or having everyone know you are BDSM. The hellion I tried to help got VERY angry when things didn't go her way. It all ended up with her making false accusations to the police - after all, she had nothing to lose, and she was angry at us! Good for you having the compasion to want to help her, but stay away, far away. For your familys sake.

...on your hands, LW.

..and it works! My guy 'Paul' was doing the same thing last year, and I tried this with him.

For me this worked, because I was secure in the relationship. After all, if Paul had REALLY wanted to go chase or get another girl, he would have been doing so.

Paul generally lost interest in the 'scenary' as it were, and we are doing great together.

...I think I would have got up and eased myself into the aisle. Werid experience.

First of all, terrific advice Cary! Secondly, LW, you need to work through your bitterness. I am your age, and have run into exactly the same thing. The problem is, some people are just a-holes. As we get older, we seem to run into more of them during our dating experience, because nobody else wants to be involved with them. (Maybe we too are a-holes in some aspects.) Just learn to spot them, dump them, and move on. There are kind, wonderful people out there, there are. But it takes a while to find 'em.

LW - I am a 45 year old woman who is bald as an egg from chemo. Where I live, it's incredibly hot - wearing a wig is like having a dead animal on your head! So, when I returned to work this week, after several months off to deal with my cancer, I put on a great outfit, head my head high, and just walked in - bald. And I've gotten a lot of compliments!

The moral of my story is that men and women can be attractive with hair, without hair, whatever, just be confident, proud and happy to be alive. This radiates through.

RastasBarques - I've had Cary publish two letters from me asking for advice. His advice was helpful, as were the comments from other people.

...but the leeches, they are bad. Real, real bad.

LW - Just quit prying. It's none of your business. Maybe your friend mentioned Mystery Man to you, then regretted it. Clearly she doesn't want to tell you. Ignore Cary's (usually good) advice on this one about techniques for prying the information out of your friend.

LW, like lots of people here, I help serve a monthly meal at a shelter. I'm your basic white upper middle class corporate weenie with s conscience who likes to do that sort of thing.

I think it would be helpful to you if you worked on getting rid of your mental/emotional line that divides the homeless into one group, and you and your friends into another. You see, one night while I was serving a meal, I recognized someone I used to work with. Then I realized that the difference between drinking that mimosa and eating the cheap cheese is very, very fine. A devastating illness, an accident, any number of things can make you homeless. Think of it this way and then see if you still want to eat with the homeless, how you feel about it in your heart.

And get those people you volunteer with to spring for the good quality cheese, for pete's sake, what is it, an extra five bucks total?

This is what I love to see, our community offering positive, useful, kind advice. Many good ideas here. Just one note from me. I was a shy only child at a huge university, and I drank something called Garbage Can punch my first week there at a party. As an honors student, I should have been skeptical of drinking something mixed in a garbage can, but alas, I was not. It contained something called Grain Alcohol. Grain alcohol is a very good thing to avoid. Remember that.

Sorry, I hit the publish button too soon. Jane, take some of this advice here. I think the ideas posted here about finding organizations you like, smiling at eye contact, etc. are useful for anybody. I'm going to take some of this advice for myself, and I am way older than college age.

It really makes me angry when two people have failed to have the sense enough to use birth control, and hence have a child. Then they have the gall to expect others to leave their homes, etc. Stupidity shouldn't require others to make sacrifices, unles they want to.

LW, take this advice, although I know it is hard.

...And FWIW to Adnauseum - nope, you are wrong on that. What does not kill you does not necessarily make you stronger. There are cemetaries and mental hospitals full of people who aren't the stronger for their ordeals.

Hey Carol, I am one of those 'nobodies' who has opted for a bit of fixing up to stay in the dating game. I hope you get to your 40s and are single, and lonely....and find out just want it feels like to be a 'nobody'. It aint' great.