I am reminded of the time I went to a Sufi shrine in Northwest India and had to sit with the other women in a cramped and uncomfortable cave-like area where we couldn't see anything but our feet while the men in our group proceeded to the warm, inviting, well-lit inner sanctum to hear stories about the saint who was buried there. Much as I tried to be tolerant and open minded, much as I enjoyed most of the Indian people I met in any other context, I remember feeling a sense of rage rising up in me as I sat in that cave. Being treated like one is dirty and polluting and less holy ought to make one feel rage and disgust. I'm not surprised that the LW is feeling so outraged at being pushed aside that way, knowing the subtext of gender and observance that existed within that act.

But the anger needs to be separated from the security issue and treated very differently. This is not just a security issue for the LW, it is for the entire apartment complex, including the orthodox family. Orthodox Jews are not perfect, righteous people -- they can be violent, they can steal, they can have arguments and behave badly toward one another. Just like anyone else. One week, a man can be your friend, the next week you can be having an argument and not interested in a Sabbath visit. So the LW can approach the family in question and express concern for the apartment in general, including for the orthodox family. In fact, she should focus on feeling concern for that family's safety as she speaks with them. That will help a bit with keeping the rage issue separate. Dealing with this problem is a compassionate act.

Then the LW can take the rage and channel it elsewhere. Every time these guys piss her off, she can donate money to a women's shelter. She can find out if there are charities or social services that specifically target orthodox women who are being abused. Or she can focus on a secular organization that helps women who are victims of violence. Anything that will help turn that rage into a productive, activating force rather than energy depleted on a petty squabble with the neighbors. It's not the rage that's the problem, it's what you do with it that matters.

As a person of faith, working with faith communities here in CA to overturn proposition 8, I want to revisit the words of MLK, who was similarly criticized for directly confronting prejudice:

Substitute "gay" for "negro" and "straight" for "white," and you get the point:

[edited for length from Letter from a Birmingham Jail]

"We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct action campaign that was "well timed" in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word "Wait!" It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This "Wait" has almost always meant "Never." We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that "justice too long delayed is justice denied."

'I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

'Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever. The yearning for freedom eventually manifests itself. If one recognizes this vital urge that has engulfed the Negro community, one should readily understand why public demonstrations are taking place. The Negro has many pent up resentments and latent frustrations, and he must release them. So let him march; let him make prayer pilgrimages to the city hall; let him go on freedom rides -and try to understand why he must do so.

'I had hoped that the white moderate would see this need. Perhaps I was too optimistic; perhaps I expected too much. I suppose I should have realized that few members of the oppressor race can understand the deep groans and passionate yearnings of the oppressed race, and still fewer have the vision to see that injustice must be rooted out by strong, persistent and determined action. I am thankful, however, that some of our white brothers in the South have grasped the meaning of this social revolution and committed themselves to it. They are still all too few in quantity, but they are big in quality."

Here's hoping, Ms. Paglia, that your quality improves before the times pass you by.